I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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