Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
