you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
