I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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