I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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