No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's shark week go big or go home
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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