based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
