If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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