who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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