I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
