Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
