My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
