She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
