The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
