why didn't you poke me back
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
