Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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