What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
