Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
