Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
