And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
