24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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