Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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