She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
