also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
