Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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