I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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