It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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