the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
