If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
