I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
