I bet he comes in French.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
