I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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