I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
