we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
