I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
