...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need a shit load of segways right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
