can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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