What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
