dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
