OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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