dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
