you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
