don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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