He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
