I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PS: I just woke up from my shower
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
