Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
