Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
