i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
