Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
