Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
