How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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